Friday, 8 August 2014

Retelling Ghosts of Young Nick's Head

Thunder and lightning strikes across the veranda. The window is creaking and shaking. Eddy flips his page in his Harry Potter book. Suddenly the light starts to dim then BANG! the light shatters into the darkness. Eddy lets out a little scream. Then they hear a creaking coming towards the bedroom. “Who is it?” They get no reply as Joe and Eddy start to hide. Then they knock a potato sack all of the floor. The dim light of the fire starts to glow. The shadow starts to get closer. The boys close their eyes. Then a sudden gust of wind hisses and heaves through the house. The boys open their eyes. The black outline of the figure is gone. Eddy yells “Did you see how close we were to dying!”
Joe replies "Yeah” as he lets out some tears.

They look out the window The rain plunges down on the rugged paddock. As the boys analyze the room in the darkness they can tell it was an aged worn out room. Joe says to Eddie “No wonder this place is haunted.” Joe replies.
"We don’t know for sure if this place is haunted.” Eddy says.

"Look out at the cliff face." the boys say as the water splashes up over the rocks. “So what are we going to do with no power?” Joe says to Eddy.
“I don’t know.” Eddy shouts back.
“Will this rain ever end Eddy?” Joe speaks.
“Yes of course it will!” Eddy says.
Then the boys hear somebody coming up the stairs. “Who is it?" they shout...


  1. Hello there Ben. What a deliciously spooky piece of writing. I especially love the gust of wind hissing and heaving through the house - wish I'd thought of that! I wonder who is coming up the stairs. It could be Joe's Mum, or it could be Leo, or ... I like how you've kept us guessing.
    I was excited to learn your class have been reading The Ghosts of Young Nick's Head. You and your classmates can come and haunt me any time - chatting with readers is much more fun than working :)
    Have a fabulous freaky Friday, Sue x

    1. Thankyou Sue. You could use some of these examples to write your next exciting book!
      I think you should make a book about some kids that find aliens on a mountain range and have an exciting story line like The Ghosts of Young Nicks Head!

    2. Well Ben, I have already finished my next book and there is a mountain in it - a volcano actually, called Mount Tarawera. It's not that far from you, do you know it? But no aliens, sorry. More ghosts though - you like ghosts, right? And Joe and Eddie are back again too. If you'd like a taste, Chapter 1 is on my website here:,_Ch1.html
      and I hope it won't be too long before the book is available, fingers crossed the publisher likes it. Keep up the great writing Ben :)

    That is a awesome story Ben!!
    I like all the bold words in that story!

  3. Amazing writing ben, about Young Nick's Head. I like how you have put at the end,who is it? thay shout. Keep up the fantastic work.

  4. Wow Ben, I was captivated from the first sentence, this is truly spooky writing which holds me on the end of my seat. Well done!!

  5. Great writing Ben. It sounds like you are enjoying the book. I definitely am. I like it how you wrote The rain plunges into the ragged paddock. It really describes what Eddie and Joe are seeing. You stopped the piece of writing at an interesting and spooky place I was full of wonder when it stopped I was thinking what is going to happen next. You really hooked me in at the beginning of the book by writing Thunder and lightning strikes across the veranda.

  6. Tau ke koe! You're the bomb!

  7. Ben this is a wonderful piece of writing! You met the success criteria and even snuck in some 'show, don't tell' before I introduced that into our lessons. It is so very cool that the author of the book is well impressed by your writing too. I'm very proud!

  8. Ben, I was captivated with this piece of writing. I was spooked.... I particularly love your great control of vocabulary and language features.


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